Content:
What are the characteristics of emotionally immature parents
What makes emotionally immature parents
Signs of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
4 Types of Emotionally Immature Parents
Consequences for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
10 things you can deal with emotionally immature parents
Many people grow up in unhealthy families and maintain immature personalities after becoming parents, and show various signs of immaturity in parenting: extreme emotional instability, controlling their children's lives, avoiding their responsibilities, and rejecting and alienating their children.
If you have such "emotionally immature parents", you will feel lonely and neglected in your childhood. As an adult, you may have difficulty expressing or even recognizing your own emotions and needs; you may not be able to establish appropriate boundaries in relationships and may be easily influenced by other emotionally immature people; your parents may still laugh at your emotional needs, belittle your personal life, and control your freedom of thought.
In my search, I came across a book written by Lindsay C. Gibson called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. There was a sense of lightning. In a way that my younger self couldn't comprehend, the jagged pieces of my childhood came together.
My parents were emotionally immature when I was a child.
It will help you release a lot of crap if you are too. You may be able to start living the authentic, true version of yourself. You will not receive the one you want from your parents or anyone else.
What are the characteristics of emotionally immature parents?
As well as conscious communication, collaboration, creative problem-solving, and effective conflict resolution, emotional maturity and emotional intelligence require self-awareness, empathy, and emotional self-regulation. We develop emotional maturity and emotional intelligence by engaging in self-reflective practices, including psychotherapy, counseling, spiritual exploration, and self-help programs. It is crucial to cultivate healthy relationships so that you are emotionally mature. There are many reasons why people are emotionally immature, including insecure attachments during their early life, trauma, addiction, and mental health problems that have not been treated. A lack of conflict management, narcissism, and self-centeredness can be signs of it.
If you have a parent who is emotionally immature, you may experience deep frustration (even enragement at times) as a result of your own sense of self, as well as doubt about your own perceptions and sense of reality. Depression, anxiety, trauma symptoms, substance abuse, and other mental health issues can result from it. It can also lead to regressive behavior (reverting to their less sophisticated way of acting). In addition, it can cause conflict between parents and children, as well as ongoing problems in relationships.
Emotional intimacy is described as follows by Lindsay C. Gibson:
"Emotional intimacy involves knowing that you have someone you can tell anything to, someone to go to with all your feelings, about anything and everything. You feel completely safe opening up to the other person, whether in the form of words, through an exchange of looks, or by just being together quietly in a state of connection. Emotional intimacy is profoundly fulfilling, creating a sense of being seen for who you really are. It can only exist when the other person seeks to know you, not judge you."
When it comes to emotional immaturity, it is essential that you recognize the signs and symptoms of it, in order to acknowledge their impact and give them the respect they deserve. In order to effectively manage conflict in a relationship, you also need coping strategies to maintain mental wellness and equanimity.
What makes emotionally immature parents?
It's true that every parent makes mistakes. Yet, there's a difference between a "good enough" parent and one who is emotionally inexperienced.
In "Good enough" parents, the children's needs and wants are taken into account, and they do not give or expect more than what they need. In addition to being self-reflective, they can apologize when they lose their cool and acknowledge their shortcomings. Even if the opinions and preferences of their children differ from their own or what they may want for them, they can tolerate and even respect them.
In the book, "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents", Lindsey C. According to Gibson, these parents lack the skills to cope with life and create feelings of insecurity in their children.
Signs of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
Emotionally Immature Parent:
When people have different ideas, they are rigid and single-minded.
It is difficult for them to admit mistakes, discount the facts, and blame others instead because they have a low-stress tolerance.
Often, they follow the path of least resistance, doing what feels best to them.
Other people's opinions and thoughts are not respected by them.
Self-centered and egocentric, they are preoccupied with themselves.
Empathy and emotional sensitivity are low in them.
In order to protect their children from feelings, they may have taught them that certain feelings are shameful or "bad".
Children's emotional needs are not as important to them as their physical needs.
Parents can be killjoys, dismissing or skeptical of their children's ideas or enthusiasm.
It is common for them to display intense, but shallow emotions, and to react quickly.
You may now experience the following as an adult child:
Feelings of anger, loneliness, abandonment, or betrayal.
Unhappiness makes you feel guilty.
Being highly perceptive and sensitive to others.
Instincts are difficult to trust.
Confidently lacking.
You feel trapped when you have to take care of your parents.
4 Types of Emotionally Immature Parents
There are still a number of things that remain a mystery in psychological research and treatment despite our great progress.
Our personalities are shaped by hundreds of individualized factors since our stories and situations are unique to each individual.
It is important to note, however, that emotional immaturity is characterized by four types.
Those suffering from the condition may fall into one of two categories. In other cases, more than one element may be present.
1. Emotional Parents
Those who are emotionally reactive are controlled by their feelings and rely on external factors to guide their behavior. Their swings are typically unpredictable.
You have them overly involved in your life one week, and then they are nowhere to be found the next. It is common for these types of guardians to be pathologically self-centered.
2. Driven Parents
Most people think driven parents are wonderful, so they can be frustrating. Each of their children seems to be the center of attention at every event, and it is obvious they are highly involved in their upbringing. In reality, they are control freaks, lacking empathy, and unable to connect emotionally with their children.
It is common for driven parents to expect their children to value the same things that they do without question. You will be ignored, rejected, or punished if you object.
3. Passive Parents
A passive parent is a parent who does not give much guidance to their children nor place any limits on them. They are often referred to as cool parents. Their ability to look the other way is second to none. Some parents, however, are emotionally distant from their children and are not capable of handling upsetting situations - which isn't a great thing when raising children.
4. Rejecting Parents
Self-absorbed children reject their parents. They are the center of everything. It's rare for them to be especially close to their children unless they're useful to them.
Parents who reject their children tend to be obnoxious, commanding, and isolated from their children in a meaningful way.
Consequences for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
There may still be anger, loneliness, betrayal, and abandonment you feel after growing up with an emotionally immature or unavailable parent.
For your anger and loneliness to heal, you must develop emotional maturity and practical insight. Whenever your emotional needs are not met, find ways to be more aware of your feelings and needs. Give yourself the opportunity to explore your pain honestly. Do not zone out or dull yourself by becoming detached from yourself.
Growing up, you may develop the following patterns:
You may neglect your own emotions or self-care when you have neglectful parents.
If your parent is too busy to spend time with their children, you may try to prove that you are worthy of love by overgiving to others or obsessively working.
It may be difficult for you to communicate with friends, partners, or children if your parents are immature, unavailable, or selfish. A vulnerability and open nature may seem too threatening to you, so you defend yourself by putting up defenses.
When you have a reactive or emotionally reactive parent, you might avoid conflict and stuff your emotions or needs, taking care of those around you.
If your parents reject you, you may deny your own needs in order to satisfy their needs.
You may lack the awareness of your needs or feel paralyzed when making decisions because you never got the chance to practice making them when you were growing up because you had difficult or autocratic parents who had little regard for your perspective or feelings.
Even so, no matter how your childhood was, you can connect with your true self and learn the genuine nature of relationships, starting with yourself, no matter where you came from as a child.
10 things you can deal with emotionally immature parents
1. Don't try to control your parents.
Firstly, Battley explains: "You must accept the fact that you cannot control other people, your parents, or anyone else to change."
2. The only person you can control is yourself.
It is important to remember, however, that you can only control yourself and your surroundings when they are nearby.
I believe that when you change your behavior around them, you are not forcing them to change, but you are certainly changing the conditions of their environment by changing the way you behave around them."
3. Is it possible for you to make changes to the model of the family system?
Despite the fact that change can be intimidating, you need to ask yourself what changes you can make to the way your family operates.
How much influence do you have over the family system model, and what role do you play in perpetuating it?"
4. Describe your needs to them.
The importance of this cannot be overstated.
There are probably 100 times that you have told them what you do not like, what you do not want to do, but it's necessary that you find out what you want each other to do instead. It's very important to give each other new behavior.
5. Boundaries should be defined.
It's important to set some boundaries after you've discussed what you both need.
It is important that you make them aware of the consequences of crossing your boundaries.
The sixth point is the most important.
6. Crossing boundaries will result in withdrawal.
Battley recommends withdrawing if they are acting badly so there is no conflict.
The only thing that will happen if you fight them is that they'll revert to their old ways.
7. Recognize their good work.
The best thing you can do if you want people to change their habits is to acknowledge their accomplishments.
The best way to recognize a good performance is to thank them and show your appreciation.
8. Progress doesn't follow a linear path.
Although it sounds cliché, it's true.
You have to support them when they change. It doesn't mean the world has ended. We really don't change in a linear fashion, so it is important to support them when they change."
9. Change takes time for everyone.
As a result, you must keep in mind that it takes time for things to change.
It takes time for evolution to take place and for behavior to change."
10. Don't think you're still a child.
Last but not least, bear in mind that you've grown up.
Embrace the fact that we are all adults. They raised you well, and you can behave like adults together instead of still being children."
As a parent, Battley suggests you make the 10 steps available to your child and talk to them about how to work them out together if he or she is emotionally immature.
Another helpful approach is to talk to other parents, a professional, or someone outside the family unit.
Childhoods with emotionally immature parents are difficult to recognize. Many feel shame and self-hatred, and they experience huge waves of grief as a result.
Even though this may seem strange, it is actually healthy and natural to open up to this level of grief. A person can grieve without being affected by a death. There is nothing wrong with grieving for what you would have liked for your childhood, for what you could have done for your parents, for what you could have accomplished. Feel your disappointment at not being able to meet your parents' expectations. Do not feel guilty about grieving your loss. Allow yourself the time to do so.
コメント